Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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