...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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