Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
