How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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