The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
