I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
