winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
