Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
