I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
