I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still dying that you shit outside
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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