I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ketchup is God's man juice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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