I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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