The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize