i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
