You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
