using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
