I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
