My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
