Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
