Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize