So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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