Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
