News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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