Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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