how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
