Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
