You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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