I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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