I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
