I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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