Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize