Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
