Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
