What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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