I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
