I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
