i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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