i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize