What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
