Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize