You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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