It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
