I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
