There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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