Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
