My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
