Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
