I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
