How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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