i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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