Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
