i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
