So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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