i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was confusing and full of hummus
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
