If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
