Whod you bang
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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