Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
