I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
