new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So apparently I’m into choking now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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