i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize