no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
