Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
