Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
