New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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