Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
