Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
