I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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