we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
