I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
