I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We left an ass print on the piano.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
