allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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