Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
