He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
