Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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