Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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