Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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