We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
