I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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