it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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