There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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