on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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