At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I met the friendliest cop last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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