My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize