My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
