Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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