Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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