I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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