Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it glows. i had to have it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
