hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
