eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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