You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
