On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
