Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
