I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
